How (Not) To De-Fuzz Your Face

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My Mum was horrified once I confirmed her my newly acquired Ending Contact Facial Hair Remover.

“You may’t shave your face!” she cried. “Why can’t you simply use nail scissors like everybody else?”

Pause for impact.

Can we please get a present of palms from anybody – anybody in any respect – who makes use of a pair of nail scissors to remain on high of their facial hair? I assumed not. She couldn’t have picked a extra impractical instrument. It’s like going to battle brandishing a chainsaw – there’s extra likelihood of maiming your self than profitable the struggle.

“I simply maintain the scissors like this,” she mentioned, her head again and her chin thrown excessive, “and snip as near the basis of the hair as I can.”

“You may’t even see the place you’re snipping,” I mentioned, ‘you’ll find yourself reducing off one thing essential!”

“Nicely I take advantage of a mirror, clearly.”

Mum’s snipping methodology is flawed in some ways: firstly the danger of harm is excessive, even with the usage of a mirror. Maybe particularly with the usage of a mirror, as a result of everyone knows how even the best of duties turns into inconceivable when you’re relying in your reflection to information you.

Then there’s the truth that you’re not even attending to the basis of the issue, simply reducing off the seen half. It’s a bit like weeding by pulling off the highest bits. Does my Mum go across the backyard strimming over the dandelions? No she doesn’t. She goes about on her knees, pulling the entire thing out.

And at last (although I can most likely consider many extra issues with the scissor methodology), how bloody lengthy should it take to de-hair a mean chin and moustache space? Days! I’d be tempted to open out the scissor blades and slide them alongside my pores and skin for pace’s sake, old school cut-throat razor fashion.

“God I don’t do my total face!” mentioned my Mum. “You simply do the longest hairs, you daft factor. Those which can be a couple of centimetres or very darkish.”

Because of this we’ve completely different removing strategies, then: angle in the direction of facial hair. Mum: pleased with the standard facial fuzz. The stuff that we’ve all had, most likely from a younger age, however that 4K HD TV and hi-res cellphone cameras have steadily made me hyper-aware of. She solely irks on the longest, blackest of hairs – the remainder is simply thought of regular, like having eyes, or legs.

“You wouldn’t shave these off.”

My drawback is that I have a look at my face intimately practically each single day. It’s a part of my job. I ought to disclose right here that I’m not a very bushy individual and my colouring is sort of truthful, however as a result of I check make-up and skincare I do spend quite a lot of time observing zoomed-in images and movies of myself. And when it’s not images and movies it’s the bloody magnifying mirror, aka The Portal of Doom, checking whether or not or not a brand new basis that I’m testing has crept into superb strains or migrated into the oilier patches. And so not solely do I see the longest and blackest of hairs (although mine are typically white, like Father Christmas) I additionally see the plush thackets of peach fuzz, so dense they’re like velvet.

I left the peach fuzz for some time as a result of it did appear to be overkill to start out taking that off; I plucked on the longer hairs with my tweezers (positively my advice over nail scissors) and I ignored the fuzz. However then I began plucking the marginally longer bits of fuzz in addition to the hairs, particularly within the aspect tache space, and earlier than I knew it I used to be plucking all of the peach fuzz out with my tweezers. It was taking ages and was truly fairly painful after some time….

…therefore the brand new Ending Contact shaver. I haven’t truly charged it as much as attempt but, such was the ferocity of my mom’s response to it. I feel she has visions of me doing a full shave routine, utilizing a type of badger brushes to lather my face up, leaning in in the direction of the mirror like Determined Dan. White vest, gun belt slung over the towel rail, ten gallon hat resting on the shelf above the sink.

However I’ve began with the mass-tweezing and so now there is no such thing as a retreat. The moustache hairs come again barely sharper, in order that whenever you’re watching TV you will discover your self stroking your stubble – for that’s what it’s – correctly, like an outdated sage about to make a pertinent assertion.

The one means ahead is to proceed with the overall eradication approach – however with my new shaver it will likely be like (hopefully) utilizing a lawnmower quite than a pair of long-handled secateurs. Speedy. Environment friendly. Painless.

I’ll maintain you all up to date, if solely to horrify my Mum.